There are a few scenarios in which one would enjoy watching “Monster Trucks.” Most of those scenarios involve being a 7-year-old boy.
The film is built on the premise of monster trucks being actual monsters, an idea that – no joke – came from the mind of the 4-year-old son of a studio executive. To bring the toddler’s vision to life, it took a team of four middle-aged men–Jonathan Aibel, Glenn Berger, Matthew Robinson, and Derek Connolly–to craft what can loosely be deemed a story.
In North Dakota, at a drill site for the oil company Terravex (Latin: ground shake, and this plotline is built on very shaky ground, indeed) there is some kind of explosion or something, and three monsters living underground are released.
These monsters, grey tentacled blobs, live of a diet of regular, unleaded, and premium.
Overnight, the monster eats the gas tanks of every car in the area, but somehow these cars are all properly functioning the next day.
In the town of the drilling, a high school student named Tripp (Lucas Till) works in a junkyard, on the side fixing up an antique truck.
One of the monsters seeks refuge in Tripp’s junkyard, feeding off of the yard’s oil barrels. Tripp tries to convince authorities of the monster in his presence, but even his sheriff stepfather doesn’t believe him.
The most problematic part of the film is the relationship between Tripp and Creech (the name Tripp has given to his monster).
After Tripp inexplicably makes the sudden change from trying to get rid of the monster to risking his life to return it to its home, he forcibly confines it to his truck and adds modifications to keep it in.
It’s never shown that Creech enjoys life in the truck or even gets any benefit from helping Tripp go offroading.
In fact, it’s more likely that Creech hates living in the truck, for the first chance he gets, he escapes the truck and runs away from Tripp.
There have been actors older than Lucas Till, 26, to play 16-year-olds in the past, but Till is laughably unbelievable as a high schooler.
There are other actors in “Monster Trucks” besides Lucas Till. Rob Lowe is the main villain as the greedy Texan oil CEO who wants nothing else but the death of Creech.
Danny Glover is the wheelchair-bound paraplegic junkyard owner, who literally just sits there. Jane Levy is Tripp’s biology tutor and love interest, whose vocabulary is confined to “Tripp!”
Even if the storyline of the film made even remote sense, there would be plenty of other issues to worry about.
The “North Dakota” of “Monster Trucks” is filled with massive mountains, alpine forests, and skyscraper-filled cities, whereas the actual state of North Dakota doesn’t have much more exciting than plains.
After Tripp smashes an entire dealership worth of cars and causes massive accidents on a highway, he faces no consequences. The largest reaction elicited is one driver’s “hey, get back here!” During the final chase, several villains clearly meet their demise, but the only concern for human life is an “I hope they had their seatbelts on.”
“Monster Trucks” was clearly made for seven-year-olds, but unlike the usual films made for seven-year-olds, “Monster Trucks” lacks any reference or humor that kids’ movies usually include to reward their parents for succumbing to their tots’ tantrums.
At this point in a Globe movie review, we usually discuss cinematography, or soundtrack, or sound effects, or something technical that may have in some way assisted in making you enjoy a movie.
In the case of “Monster Trucks,” when you have a movie based off the idea of a four-year-old, there’s not much some inventive camera angles and creative lighting can do to change your opinion.
What was even the point of reviewing “Monster Trucks?”
It’s the rare case where you know whether or not you’ll enjoy it simply by hearing the title.
If you’re reading this sentence, chances are you are either thinking, “Wow that sounds really bad,” or, “I enjoyed reading this entire review to see how bad it is” or you’re thinking, “This Harry Rubin, what does he know about monster trucks?”
That movie sounds great to me! If you fit the second category, by all means, go ahead and watch it.
