I haven’t officially been diagnosed with depression, but I am seeing a therapist that is specializing in depression.
It’s definitely situational because most of it I’m pretty sure what the source of it is. When I’m at school I’m perfectly fine, but when I’m at home, it’s completely different, and at night it’s always bad.
I have a stepmom. She’s been in my life for about 8 years. She’s got very different values than what I have and, a lot of the time, her way of conveying her thoughts is not the healthiest. It would come off as yelling or screaming at me ever since I was young. And she always is saying that I don’t care enough about people and that I don’t care about my dad at all and that I love my mom more than I love him.
She also has a son whom she treats completely differently. You can obviously see that there’s love between them and it’s just not the same with me.
She influences my dad to talk the same way to me. I love my dad very much and he’s my parent. Having a parent telling you that you’re worthless and don’t care about anyone is not the best thing for a kid I guess.
When I was younger, I definitely kept everything bottled up. I didn’t tell anyone. Last year, it got a lot worse and I told one person, but then that person kind of left … He helped, for a long time, but then after a while he just kind of like started ignoring me and getting fed up with me.
Now most of my friends know and, actually, I have instances where I have people who are close to me, but I haven’t really told, come to me and say, “If you need anyone, I’m here.”
I don’t necessarily like talking to my friends about it, just because it’s kind of like you’re wallowing and you’re not allowing yourself to move past it and think of other things. You’re just kind of immersed in it.
What I like to do is just like take a shower or drink tea or write. I write a lot. I write music and listen to music. Music has actually helped me a lot. That’s basically what I do to try to help with it.
I always have my mom and she’s always there for me and she says I should always talk to her, but I’m a teenager, so I’m not going to tell my mom everything that goes on in my head, because in her mind I’m still a little girl and it kind of hurts her to see me go to a therapist because of something my dad has done.
