I met a really nice guy at an academic program over the summer, and I thought right away that we were going to become great friends. But one day, at the breakfast table, he began to tell jokes about Jewish people that were clearly offensive, although I’m not sure if he directly intended for them to be.

I tried to give him the benefit of the doubt for the first few minutes. Maybe he’ll come to grow out of it soon enough, I thought.

Next, some other friends at the table smiled uncomfortably and told him I was Jewish, but he didn’t stop. Now, I was certain that I didn’t want to be his friend. He might not have intended to offend me in the first place, but he was well aware of what he was doing now, and he continued to do it anyway.

This incident involves prejudice in multiple ways. First of all, it takes at least some false judgment to tell a joke so bluntly offensive. The guy at the breakfast table likely had inaccurate ideas about Jewish people, and he failed to recognize that not everyone shared his sense of humor.

But he wasn’t the only one exercising his prejudice. I instantly assumed that we could be friends simply because of his demeanor the first time we met, and after breakfast, I steered clear of him for the rest of the three-week program. He might have been a good person, but now it didn’t matter to me.

Bluntly prejudiced statements can have an impact on whoever listens, especially when the listener is deep in the process of coming into touch with his or her own identity.

Although it might not seem so at first, the topics of prejudice and leadership are intricately related.

Just like any movement, the movement away from a society permeated by issues of prejudice is one that requires strong leadership. It’s also a process that requires a person to be his or her own leader, so to speak.

Making blanket judgments from specific events or people, or inductive reasoning, is an inherent part of human nature. But it’s clear that jumping to broad conclusions can have drastic consequences, both for one’s own wellbeing and for the overall peace in a community.

The concept of the prejudiced joke illustrates this idea well. Sometimes, without even realizing it, many people seek comfort in knowing that others share their prejudices and improperly drawn conclusions. Such remarks might invoke amusement among a select few, but most of the laughs and smiles are products of habit and discomfort more than anything else.

Offensive remarks about a particular group’s history or ways of life almost always serve to damage the self-image of everyone in range of them and beyond.

Even if the insults don’t target a given person’s race, religion or economic status directly, that particular person will often still feel uncomfortable and even isolated because of them. Now, he or she experiences the pressure of deciding whether or not to please the speaker by laughing at the joke.

This type of small-scale conflict directly influences what takes place on the large scale, when ideas of prejudice and racism appear at the forefront of current events. Incidents like the deaths of Eric Garner and Mike Brown, as well as the public response to Ferguson across the country, awaken individual opinion like none other.

But how does leadership come into play?

Without strong and responsible leaders that never lose sight of the importance of free thought and speech, the chaos of social conflict would drown out individual voice completely.

But also, people must grab hold of their own lives, the only lives that they can control directly, by being true to themselves, during times of conflict more than any others.

According to 20th-century American author Saul Bellow, “To know what one thinks and feels is not always a simple matter.”

No matter what you believe, take control of your conscious self by remembering that most people are struggling to find what they think and feel, yourself almost undoubtedly included. Even those who seem most deadset on their beliefs still experience inner turmoil on a regular basis.

I’m not necessarily claiming that the outcome of recent events has been just, and I’m definitely not suggesting that there is no reason to be upset. Instead, I’m trying to recommend a new way to look at the situation, one that could eventually foster both peace of mind and peace in the community.

No one exemplifies such admirable self-leadership better than Anne Frank in her timeless self-reflections.

“It’s really a wonder that I haven’t dropped all my ideals, because they seem so absurd and impossible to carry out. Yet I keep them, because in spite of everything, I still believe that people are really good at heart.”

While always assuming goodwill might seem close to impossible, drastic times call for the most difficult of attempts.